I just realized how important it is to have passion. It seriously is like a flame inside of you which grows when you’re doing something you like. My biggest regret is not fighting for this passion I have for design and giving in to my parents brainwashing business talk. I thought that I would be able to force myself to be interested in business but I just can’t. I absolutely hate it! I have not been so happy staying up working on an ‘assignment’ in so long. I seriously miss design. Too bad I have finished this assignment and I probably wouldn’t get another one for a very long time.
It took me so long to figure out what I had interest in in high school. I wasn’t interested in anything. I hated reading and I hate writing. I guess that is why my grammar is so crap and I have a ‘limited edition’ vocabulary. As for numbers, I liked them… Back in primary and intermediate. I lost interest in math once I was kicked off being the top of my class. As for history, I do have an interest in it but my memory is too bad to remember all the years and events that took place. Plus I was only interested in like myths. Science. I wasn’t very good at it but I did like it. I always thought that I would be too dumb to continue this and this subject never really sparked to me. Art on the other hand.. I was interested, was okay at it (in my own way of course) and most importantly made me feel relaxed and happy no matter how late I stayed up painting (this is just year 11, hated year 13 lol).
Anywho, even though I did ‘hate’ it at one point, there is a difference between this and business. The hate for business is so strong it makes me not only stress but also sad. Yep, no joke. I only enjoy subjects I am good at and well I’m not good at any of this bullshit! It feels like the pressure my parents and now the rest of my family is giving is far too much. I don’t think I can handle this. I cannot balance my life out at the moment. It’s too much for me. I get angry when them or anyone asks about my studies. Seriously I hate it that much. Ahem, so my hate for art was only temporary because well I started hating it because everything was due soon and I was running out of ideas I wanted to perfect everything but I had such little time. In the end I didn’t get to perfect my painting but i did for my design. At the point I needed a break. Didn’t want to see paint or even go near a designing program. But I was fine after the holidays.
Right now.. I would like to go back in time to actually convince my parents to let me do what I want. Such a shame I cannot do that and they probably still wouldn’t listen. Im sure if business had even just one designing hands on practical paper I wouldn’t be so stressed… Maybe I should start a painting and whenever I’m stressed.. Paint a little? Maybe 🙂
irrelevanceandthoughts 
Don’t go out and try to set the world on fire. Set yourself on fire and see if it catches. -Something a friend told me when I was re-igniting my artistic passion. The most valuable thing I’ve learned in my 10 years in the “real” world is to do whatever you have to do to pay the bills but never stop doing what you love.